Finding the right balance between different projects in a busy daily life can be quite an overwhelming challenge. How do we divide and prioritize our time and how do we keep calm enough to still enjoy life while facing all the challenges?
I have always been a hard worker when it comes to things I care for. I believe hard work is necessary. No doubt about it! But neuroscience tells us that the body and mind also develop during breaks between work sessions. It´s, therefore, crucial to let our minds relax and develop without stress. Easier said than done, I should be the first one to admit.
In fact, I´m writing this post 8:30 in the morning after just having put my 6-month-old daughter to bed after her first “session” of the day. She usually wakes up around 6 and eats. Then she plays and “talks” for around an hour. It is fantastic and inspiring to see, how much she learns and develops in that hour! And with what intensity and presence of the moment she does it. Learning like that takes a lot of energy so after a couple of hours, she usually falls asleep again. Completely calm and ready to rest without worrying about what she has to do next.
Maybe I should just go to sleep and learn from her… Though I also really want to write this post, because later in the day I will need to practice before attending a concert. And we´ll have visitors coming in the afternoon. The challenge of all this is not only about the minutes and hours we have in a day. It´s also about how we recover and to what extent we are able to let go after a work session. My daughter is definitely better at letting go than I am!
In this post, you’ll find some thoughts and ideas on how to handle these challenges.
To-do or not-to-do?
Today we live in a world of “to-dos”. We very often create to-do-lists or “lists of expectations” for all the tasks needed to be done in a day. This helps us stay on top and focused. Now, as effective to-do-lists can be (and I very often use them myself) there is also a danger, that the sum of all the minor tasks and expectations that we list up can create stress… Keeping 2-5 goals/tasks in your head might make you focused and motivated, whereas 50 tasks will make you stressed and more likely to give up before even getting started. This means we need to be smart on how to use and create our “to-do-lists, especially during stressful times!
Replace “tasks” with “areas of improvement”
One very effective thing we can do is to figure out on a more general level, what areas in our life we currently WANT to spend time on. When having figured out 2-3 areas that we want to focus on, we also have to think about which areas we NEED to spend time on. When putting all this together we should have something like 3-5 areas in which we want to invest our time and energy. Again, dividing our mind capacity into 3-5 groups of focus is easier than 50! Each of these areas will, of course, have smaller tasks that need to be done and here it can be beneficial to use to-do-lists as a tool. The most important thing is to regularly step back and think in bigger terms. During stressful times, we tend to overemphasize the importance of every little step and this makes us overwhelmed.
Give the tasks a joined purpose
A simple example: instead of sitting at work, thinking that you later in the day will need to do the dishes, wash clothes, vacuum the floors etc. think that you need to invest an hour or two on your living standards. Set the amount of time aside that you have, and start doing the tasks in a prioritized order. If you have no clean underwear for the next day, this should obviously be taken care of before polishing your silverware… When the time is up, remember to reward yourself. Take a small break, maybe a good cup of coffee or something else that you like. Then you are ready to move on to the next area of improvement.
In this way, we might not finish all tasks every day, but we can manage to work a little on all the areas that we have decided to. This gives calmness and continuity.
It´s the things that we don´t do that make us stressed.
If at the end of the day there are areas that you can´t find time for, you´ll be forced to see it and reconsider which areas in life you currently want and need to focus on…
Find your profile in life – what are you really striving for?
To figure out which areas in life you currently want to be working on, it can be really valuable to write down and establish your own “profile” in life. Does this sound flaky? Well, it’s not actually, it´s the very base of making informed and good decisions and it´s very straight forward as soon as you get started.
Try to imagine yourself and your life portraited in a movie. See yourself as the main character. How do you want that character to appear? Don’t be shy, you are allowed to think big and idealistically! How does your daily life look like? How do you act around people? What are your qualities? In what areas do you want to excel and how do you look when doing that?
Running your ideal day as a movie can give a clear and precise image of what you really are striving for. What you are really seeking and who you really want to be. I don’t want you to use this exercise to necessarily change anything. I want you to search and highlight what really matters to you. Seeing your life from the outside like it was in a movie, gives you the chance to dream without holding yourself back by your inner beliefs of what you can and can’t do. It allows you to look creatively on your own life.
Identify the areas that REALLY matter
After having run the movie in your head for a few times, you should start to see and more importantly FEEL which areas are really important to you. If you are reading this post as a musician, I imagine that practicing and performing well on your instrument is pretty high up on that list. Maybe even higher than you want to admit? Don’t worry, it´s completely normal! Playing music is a very personal thing that has to do with our inner emotions… it’s only natural that it takes a lot of space.
What else do you see in the main character of the movie? Is he or she a good spouse? Well trained? Dedicated? Easy-going? Curious? A good leader? Reflected? Mysterious? Confident? Artistic? Organized?
There are no right and wrong, but there are limits to how many sides, qualities and skills of a character you can nurse and develop at the same time without getting stressed and frustrated. You, therefore, want to pick the ones that matter the most to you right now. You can always change your “profile” later.
I strongly encourage you to write down your current profile in actual words with 4-5 different focuses at a time. Have a monthly rethink of your profile and see how it fits with your situation. I´ll give you an example of a fictive profile of a person. Let’s call our fictive person Sam:
Profile of Sam
Sam is 28 years old and working as a freelance musician. He is a reliable and warm person who more lead by example than by flashy words and acts. Sam is very passionate about playing bass and he works frequently with the local orchestra. He’s eager to develop on his instrument and he, therefore, wakes up every day at 6:00 in order to get a good morning practice done before he goes to play in the orchestra or teaching in a music school. Sam wants to become slightly more confident in both his playing and attitude. To train this side he has started to set up weekly performances, where he plays through audition and solo repertoire. He has also started to work out 3-4 a week because this makes him feel slightly more confident and secure in his own body.
Daily focus: Practicing. Training confidence through performances and mental practice. Working out.
Accept that focus change and that it’s a good thing
Since we know from neuroscience that the brain keeps developing in the breaks, we can work with this knowledge on both a micro level and a macro level. It allows us to rest in the fact, that we don’t need to do everything all the time in order to develop.
Some things, of course, needs daily attention if we want to excel at it. Especially when there are physical elements like staying in shape on an instrument etc. But it’s not necessarily all parameters of playing that we need to address every day… In fact, some things are left better off if we spend time on it 2-3 times a week and leave it the rest of the days. What those parameters could be is a longer discussion, that we will save for another post. I just want to point out, that we don’t need to do everything every day. It simply gets too hard!
The things that matter the most to us – our number one goal – obviously needs frequent attention. But in other areas, we can easily adjust the intensity of attention or even take a 4-6 month break from it without any problem. We might even get better or see things clearer while being away.
Write your profile and decide which focuses you currently want to have. Accept that other things will have to wait and that it might even be good for them. You can always take them up later. We all have a lot of role models and this is great. However, we can’t be all of them at the same time.
Keep a list of things that make you feel good
Finally keeping a list of simple things that make you calm and relaxed in your daily life is worth a billion! I keep mine in my notebook and I regularly read it and add things to it, as I realize more and more things that make me feel good.
Writing it down and keeping an actual list is crucial! It´s our guidebook in stressful times when our rational mind is being overruled by our emotions. When you are stressed, make sure you make time for something from your list. Even if it´s only for 20 minutes a day, like reading a book or having a walk in the park. The thing is that if you are really stressed, you might not even want to do it before you actually get started. That’s where the list comes in handy. Just pick one of the things and set time aside almost like it was just another task.
We have to plan for the hard days during during good times. When the hard days come, we at least have prepared a path. When hiking in the mountains it´s better to just be hungry than both hungry and lost.
Often when starting doing something that you like, your perspective will change. When getting into it, your thought patterns will change and you might see things clearer. After all, even though we want to work hard towards our goals, we don’t want to stress and lose ourselves on the way. It doesn´t benefit achieving our goals and it certainly doesn´t benefit us as humans!
I hope you could use some of these thoughts, and that they will come in helpful when you find yourself in a stressful time. All the best and stay calm.
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